Let the Quirks Shine

Home is the place where, when you go there, they have to take you in.

Robert Frost

This Sunday I was in church when Daughter #1, who had been sitting reverently next to me, started to laugh—quietly, of course. “What’s so funny,” I whispered.

“The weather report forecasts wintery mix,” she whispered back.

“So?”

“I’m texting Michael (Son #5 who lives in Boise, Idaho). Wintery mix is his favorite weather forecast.”

Weird. Very weird. I didn’t know anybody had a favorite forecast–other than hoping the weather was appropriate for whatever one was planning to do that day. But when I thought about it, he wasn’t the only family member who had unique verbal preferences. One of my daughters-in-law-in law (easier to say than the sister of my daughter-in-law) is an ER charge nurse, and she hates the word moist—to the extent that when it comes up in conversation, she shudders unconsciously. Admittedly, there may be plenty of support for her reaction in light of her occupation.

I guess we all have little quirks that make us stand apart from other folks. I used to tell my students that I didn’t believe in gravity. Universally, their immediate reactions were to drop their books off their desks onto the floor in an attempt to demonstrate how ridiculous my claim was. (This simultaneously drove the teacher below me crazy as his walls shook from the impact). In my defense, I always pointed out that all of us have idiosyncrasies in which we choose to indulge whether there’s sufficient cause or not—that’s why a good essay requires substantiation, or nobody believes a word of what you say. But after a while, I kind of embraced the idea that Newton didn’t know what he was taking about. Truth is, it’s fun. (And it drives my fact-based husband crazy.)

I’ve come to the conclusion that it is our eccentricities which make us interesting. My two-year-old grandson has taken to saying, “Oh yeah, I’m a genius,” whenever he manages to successfully shoot nerf balls at his siblings or sneak treats from the pantry which is supposed to be off limits. Nobody knows where he picked up this phrase, but the cheeky grin that accompanies his pronouncements is a heart-stopper.

My sister-in-law buys most of her clothes from second-hand stores. She brings home random items, matches them with other random items from her closet, and looks like she just stepped out of a designer house of fashion. She has plenty of cash to purchase more expense attire, but she finds it relaxing to wander through racks of cast-off items and find new, intriguing uses for them—a pastime that would drive me up the wall!

Son #6 is a foodie. Last year one afternoon out of the blue, he called and took me to lunch. We headed downtown to a little hole-in-the wall but highly rated place somewhere west of State Street which he found on YELP. There were only four, maybe five tables. The menu was posted above the cash register. The only other customers were working men who spoke Spanish too rapidly for me to understand, and who were gulping down huge plates of frijoles and tortillas. Permanent markers were available to every patron, and the walls were covered from floor to ceiling with short, pithy quotes which had been penned by years of happy diners. (Only one of the dozens of quotes was in English, but with a little effort and a concerted squinting of my eyes, I understood most of them. I even wrote one down in my list of “wisdom from the folks around me”.) Son #6 is a longtime Spanish speaker, but he didn’t pay much attention to what was going on nearby. He was focused on the food—in his book, the more adventurous, the better. (He was right; the food was yummy!)

One of the most eccentric people I know was my younger brother, now deceased. He never cared much for other people’s rules. When he was in high school, he played varsity basketball, but he didn’t like the way the coach chose to motivate the team. According to my brother, the coach was verbally abusive; I don’t know as I never saw him play. (My brother was in Baltimore where my dad was stationed as an Air Force liaison to the NSA; I was a whole country away at BYU.) My brother claimed he was very calm when he explained his objection to the coach’s behavior. Apparently, the coach was unimpressed, so my brother walked off the team. A military brat, authority was something that didn’t intimidate him. (Glad I was his sister, not our mom!) Graduate school was no different. If he didn’t like the professor’s assigned subject matter, he picked an idea himself. He researched and wrote exactly what he wanted. Without advanced permission. He said it was his money he was investing in tuition, so he pursued the path of his curiosity. Most of his professors were intrigued at having a student who didn’t conform. And he looked very nice in his cap and gown at graduation.

Its easy to dismiss the value of our differences when those differences rub a raw spot in our relationships, but the truth is that the infinite variety of personalities and eccentricities is what makes relationships interesting. Friction is not necessarily inevitable. Some people are easy to like; some not so much. Maybe this Thanksgiving we might all spend a little time looking at the world from another person’s point of view. What we can see from their direction might be illuminating. Let the quirks shine.