Don’t Forget the Square Corners

Home is the place where, when you go there, they have to take you in.

Robert Frost

There’s a famous clip on Instagram of Navy Admiral McRaven delivering a commencement speech to the class of 2014 at the University of Texas at Austin, in which he encourages graduates to start their day by making their beds. He suggests it’s a powerful precursor for tackling the challenges of everyday life. The first time I heard that speech, I tried unsuccessfully to remember who had taught me to make my bed? (Probably almost ¾ of a century ago, so no wonder!) Then I tried to remember if my parents made their bed every morning. Yep. And I also remember my mother teaching me to make military “square” corners on the sheets and blankets. It’s possible that my dad taught her that—he spent a couple of years bombing Japan and islands in the Pacific during WWII, so I’m sure his superior officers insisted on a neat deck. But in my experience, my mom turned out to be the enforcer of order at my house—hence, the requirement of a neatly made bed.

So, it was something of a shock when I got married and my new husband brought all his earthly possessions with him–including a set of single bed sheets which he’d used for a couple of years at his BYU rental housing. They were a grungy yellowed color, so I threw them in the wash with hot water and bleach. When the cycle finished, and I tried to pull them out of the machine, I was SHOCKED to discover that they had shredded into literally dozens of little hunks of cotton fabric.

I was horrified. Married only a couple of weeks, and I’d already ruined his laundry! “I’m so sorry,” I apologized to him. “I don’t know how I could have made such a mistake. I’ve done laundry for years.”

He was annoyed. Even then, he didn’t have much patience with incompetence. “What’d ya wash ‘em for? They were fine. They haven’t needed washing in the two years I’ve used ‘em.”

Holy moly! That was a rude awakening about the complications marriage might bring. And I ended up making the bed by myself for most of the first 40 or so years of our lives together. My husband always thought making the bed was a waste of time–we were just going to get back in it in 10 or 12 hours. (In his defense, my husband is an only child. His mother made his bed every morning. He just assumed every family was like his. Although I did notice that he seemed to appreciate the smell of clean sheets every week or so.)

When I had my first 3 or 4 babies, my mom came and stayed a week or two to help. She always saw to it that there were clean sheets on the bed when I came home from the hospital. By baby #5, Daughter #1 was old enough to see to it that the sheets were washed and the bed freshly made when I brought yet another little boy home. (She wasn’t thrilled about the “another brother part” though.)

Then I had a pretty serious illness that put me in the hospital for a week or two. My husband was so happy to have his ally against all those kids back in the house that he put clean sheets on the bed. All by himself. And he was dang proud. Since then, we make the bed together almost every morning. And he’s discovered he likes it. He likes sharing the load, he likes knowing he has done something to ease my burden, and because he’s a man of habit, he likes the pattern of this morning ritual.

Wow, you might be saying. What took him so long to figure that out? Truth is, I have no idea. But it’s a question that I think has some serious repercussions. Is there an expiration date on how long we wait for someone we live or work or associate with to change? Naval Admiral McRaven was the boss. His sailors did what they were told. Family members or associates are less likely to appreciate such arbitrary commands.

A couple of years ago, I asked a friend who is a professor at a major university what he thought was the difference between the generation he was teaching now and their parents and grandparents. He said something I thought was very revealing: “Today’s kids are standing on the shoulders of at least two generations of people who have sacrificed a great deal for the quality of their lives. Most of these kids today haven’t had to sacrifice very much. It makes a difference.” My husband’s mother made his bed. Maybe easy isn’t always the best option.

And don’t forget the “square” corners, please.