Great Expectations

Home is the place where, when you go there, they have to take you in.

Robert Frost

New Year’s Eve at an extended family wedding reception, I was amused to overhear the photographer explaining to the videographer how he got the job taking photos for the wedding. “Well,” he said, “My sister’s husband’s brother’s sister-in-law’s daughter is the bride.” I was impressed. That kind of relationship takes some untangling! I was the mother of the sister’s husband, and I was still confused. But the newly married young couple he was photographing seemed oblivious to even this, the slightest of complications, for starting a life together. To be frank, it was refreshing to be reminded of the optimism which drove most of us when we were young and far less cynical.

I can remember both my parents at one time or another telling me that as we get older, our long experience has the potential to undermine a hopeful outlook on the future. It’s easy to get caught in the trap of assuming that tomorrow is not likely to be a good day because we’ve had so much experience with so many not-so-good days. Which is why I laughed with some delight at the story Daughter #2 told me about her second son last week.

A senior in high school, her son is nothing like I was when I was young. In my whole high school career, I only had one date—a sweet boy from one of my honors classes asked me to our school’s winter formal dance. Neither of us had a clue what dating was supposed to be like, but I still remember him bringing me a corsage and coming to the door to pick me up, so it must have either been awful or wonderful—any other option and I would have probably forgotten.

My grandson, on the other hand, is very socially adept. Like his mom, he’s funny, mostly cheerful, and very hard working, so he’s easy to like. Plus, he’s a starter on the school varsity basketball team, which means he’s used to girls following him around—an experience totally unfamiliar to either of his grandparents.

Last week that grandson and several of his buddies were at Daughter #2’s house making posters which they intended to use as invitations for dates to their high school’s Winter Formal Dance in January. During a similar poster making event for the Homecoming Dance earlier in the fall, Daughter #2 had overheard her son query his buddy as they were walking out the door to deliver their posters, “So, who do you think I should ask?” As a result, it was with considerable relief that Daughter #2 discovered that this time her son had an actual girl in mind before he started his current invitation.

“Oh yeah, Mom,” he told her. “In fact she asked me to ask her.”

“What? ” My daughter replied, somewhat startled.

“Yep,” her son said off-handedly. “She has a boyfriend somewhere up in Davis County. His family is so rich, they even own a private jet. I guess he didn’t want to bother coming down here to a dance, but she wanted to go with her friends, so she asked me to ask her.” (As a longtime high school teacher, I can tell you with authority that teen-age relationship machinations are never simple.)

“Humm,” my daughter said. Even to her—who had dated regularly in high school–that situation seemed like it might have some highly complicated ramifications. “So, what does this girl look like?” She asked to stave off the urge to interject any parental advice which might stifle further discussion. He pulled out his phone and showed her a picture of his intended date.

“Nice looking girl,” Daughter #2 agreed. “But doesn’t it feel a little odd,” she couldn’t resist a bit of interrogation, “to be asking a girl who has a boyfriend already to one of your school’s formal dances?”

My grandson raised an eyebrow and gave her a steely stare. “Mom,” he said. “Just because there’s a goalie does not mean I can’t score.” Point taken.

Like the newly married couple whose wedding all three of us—me, Daughter #2, her second son—attended on New Year’s Eve, youthful optimism cheerfully obliterated all other possibilities.

Hard to argue with that kind of confidence. I guess that’s what jumping into a New Year is all about.